This week has been hard. Not because anything has really changed to make it harder--we still have the same amount of disappointments and successes--but it's our attitude towards everything.
As missionaries in upper Nevada you see a lot of crap--abuse crap,
drug crap-- we are around it. There are so many people who want to
change and want out but they don't necessarily actually want help or
want out. They want all their problems to be fixed without any work,
without any change. It can be frustrating and annoying. It's sad. You
want to help, but they don't want to be helped. They don't want to
forgive because that would mean losing their identity as the victim and
part of them wants to be the victim. They want to be broken. They can't
loose that. It's part of their identity, part of who they are.
At almost every dinner appointment we've been to we
have been leaving a message of Faith. It's the most basic principle to
teach and the hardest to master. Perhaps we left it because it was what
we needed--faith that people can change, faith that miracles can happen,
faith that we can make a difference. One of the ladies we ate with is a
recent convert and we asked how faith has played a role in her life. In
her cute little spanish accent she told us the following story:
When we first moved here from Mexico, we had no
money. There is a Mexican dish you can make that's super cheap--an onion
and tomato and you make a paste. But I look in the fridge and
freezer--no tomato. So I say a prayer (She folds her arms) "Please god, I
have no money. Please let there be a tomato". She opens the fridge and
freezer--no tomato. She moves everything around in the fridge and
freezer--still no tomato. So she goes--oh, well. I'll try again. I'll
give you another shot. She prayed again. She opens the fridge and right
in the front and center of the first self she looks at is a tomato.
What she said after that has stuck with me all week.
She said, "With faith in God, there is always a tomato. When you rely
on the Lord, he will always make sure you have a tomato."
Perhaps I'm still waiting for my tomato. I've been given
plenty of tomatoes in my lifetime and I know that the Lord will provide
and He will work miracles if we are patient and persistent and rely on
his timing.
What started all of this was a scripture in Matthew
17. It's a story of a man who has little faith and exclaims "Lord I
believe, help thou my unbelief" to which the Savior replies
“If
ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this
mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing
shall be impossible unto you.”
I
use to think that mustard seed was actually a great amount of faith. I
can't move mountains. Then I was reading Jeffery R Holland's talk on
this same scripture he said
"The
size of your faith or the degree of your knowledge is not the issue—it
is the integrity you demonstrate toward the faith you do have and the
truth you already know."
It
truly doesn't matter the size of faith, but whether you act upon the
faith you have no matter how small. The result is miracles. I've been
referring to a General conference talk "Faith--the choice is yours",
because it explains so perfectly what these mountains are and what faith
can do for us. He says
"I
have never witnessed the removal of an actual mountain. But because of
faith I have seen a mountain of doubt and despair removed and replaced
with hope and optimism. Because of faith I have personally witnessed a
mountain of sin replaced with repentance and forgiveness. And because of
faith I have personally witnessed a mountain of pain replaced with
peace, hope, and gratitude. Yes, I have seen mountains removed."
I
have seen many mountains removed. I have been the recipient of many
tomatoes. I'm so glad to have faith in my life and the hope that things
will get better.
Hope everyone has a great week!
If you want the full sources of the talks I'm referring to they are here
Pictures:
So multiple people have told me the pictures didn't load. I don't feel
like going through my camera again. But here are pictures from this week!
This is why we were late for a dinner appointment. Yes. Those are horses.
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